Rest, Ponder, Simplify, Flourish

9 is the number today

2011-12-20T07:56:00.000-09:00

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was coaching a freshman basketball game in Murfreesboro, TN for Brentwood High School. We lost and I was ticked on the bus ride home. And then, Lindsay called..."Summar is coming today." We jumped in the car as soon as I got home and raced to Baptist Hospital. The drive was like those you have seen in movies. I was actually getting nervous she was going to come in the car because Lindsay had choice words for me at every bump we hit.

She was born very quickly after we got to the hospital. I remember a few vivid things: her think hair, my amazement at Lindsay for having her naturally, and that overwhelming feeling a dad has when he holds his little girl for the first time. For dads, it's different when we hold our girls. There's a tenderness I didn't know I possessed. And I was not expecting the new depth of love I easily went to for my new baby girl. We were overjoyed at our Christmas gift.

For reasons I don't pretend to understand, Summar is no longer with us on this side of Heaven. She was only with us for 2 very short months. Today, we celebrate her life and the gift she is to us. She would have been 9 today.

As I have shared with many others over the last 9 years who walk the journey of sorrow in this life...we grieve, yet not without hope. We believe hope is here...that it is near...more near than we can even fathom. So we hold onto hope today on Summar's 9th Birthday. There's an anchor for my soul. I can say "It is Well."

Here's why:
Jesus has overcome. And the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won. He is risen from the dead.

Psalm 9:9 is what we are standing on today...on Summar's 9th Birthday

"The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."

Two Rivers Church, Fort Collins

2011-12-01T09:44:00.001-09:00

It's been quite some time since I last posted on this blog. And now that Lindsay and I have followed the Lord's leading and opening of doors to plant a new church here in Fort Collins, I have felt an impetus to begin writing here again...

1. For friends and family to stay up with us to some degree about life here in Colorado
2. To process thoughts and offer some pondering questions for us to consider regarding life and faith
3. To share stories of how God is moving in our lives and what He is doing in advancing the Kingdom in our new neck of the woods.

We've been on the ground here for almost 2 months now and people keep asking me the questions like: "when are you starting?" - "where are you meeting?" - "do you have a building?" And I answer: I don't know, we are not meeting yet, and no, we don't have building and probably won't for quite some time.

Our resolve is here: God is already working. We will listen and wait for Him to show us where to join Him. We go out into the town and understand that we are missionaries. "God what you are doing? Show us and lead us to people you want us to engage with." It's actually working...God shows us things and sends people our way to talk with. Not every time, but a lot of the time. We just want to live with our eyes open and our hearts listening to the Spirit.

Formerly in ministry, I was ready with many plans and strategies...and drove very hard to make it all happen. There wasn't a lot of listening. There wasn't a lot of praying. There was definitely a lot of depending on my work ethic and gifting. When I tell my story, I articulate that my gifts actually became a curse. The enemy twisted so much. We are not going to start a church this way...as I have experienced so much freedom in the last 5 or so years from my performance addiction. I actually believe that my value and identity is in no way wrapped up in how well I do, but in what Jesus has already done and says about who I am in Him.

Lindsay and I are not on the ground here in Fort Collins being recruiters to a new church. We simply want to go "higher up and higher in" (thanks CS Lewis) to God's grace...and experience His freedom, hope, and healing in more and more ways. More of His Love, More of His Power as the song goes...We know that we can't give what we don't have. We only offer people what we have received and experience.

We simply desire to share our story of redemption...and to hear other people's stories. We are old Young Lifers who have long embraced the ministry philosophy that "people don't care what you know until they know that you care." And that out of relational trust, we get to share about The God who loves them and offers freedom, hope, and healing.

It's gonna be slow burn to start a church this way. We are ok with that. Relationships take time.

Lastly today, I'll invite you to ponder and consider the liberating truth many of you have sung in church before. I visit a new church each Sunday here in Fort Collins to get a better feel for the church culture here. I was blessed immensely by this song this past Sunday and wanted to pass it along to you.

What it would mean for you to not only sing these lyrics but also to allow God to renew your mind with these truths. Because when we believe in Truth, we break strongholds of lies and deception. When we embrace our identity in Jesus, our lives get transformed...

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!

Grace and Peace...You are Loved,

Jason

Musings on Freedom...

2010-03-21T18:52:00.002-08:00

God has been speaking to Lindsay and I a lot about freedom and the radical nature of His Grace. All this from today:

[A song we sang at church today (www.stationhillchurch.com)]

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is Good, His love endures forever."

We sang that song today with other followers of Jesus and I was stirred at the liberating truth we sing about but don't have faith to allow the truth to sink deep into our souls.

As we gathered in our home tonight for LifeGroup, we pondered on this lyric and dared to believe the peace and freedom it beacons us to.

"It is important for us to eradicate the notion that the Lord is present to find fault with you. He loves you perfectly because He sees you through the lens of the cross, where His son has removed every failing from your life! The more you have revelation of Jesus and how He has made you perfect, the more you will free yourself to receive His complete shalom."

[From a cd called Fellowship Songs: Vol 1. The song is entitled "Forever Reign"]

He is good, when there's nothing good in me.
He is love, on display for all to see.
He is light, when the darkness closes in
He is hope, he has covered all our sin

He is peace, when fear is crippling
He is true, even in our wandering
He is joy, He's the reason that we sing
He is life, in Him death has lost it's sting.

Run to the arms of Jesus.
The riches of His love will always be enough.
Nothing compares to the embrace of Jesus.

You are loved...it's reckless on your behalf.

[from a Tim Keller quote I came across on my friend Katie's facebook status]

"freedom is both the means and the end of the Christian life. everything about the Christian gospel is freedom. Jesus' whole mission was an operation of liberation" -Keller (gal 5:1)

BAM!

Gladness: Joy with Sadness

2009-12-21T07:26:00.007-09:00

If we don't embrace life for what it is, we can't find authenticity and live fully. I have heard it said that to live is to loose...and that in order to live fully, we must learn to embrace life on life's terms and grieve. (Dr. Chip Dodd)

Grief is our opportunity to state what matters to us...to communicate to ourselves and others what we deeply value. Our tears speak to this loss...to this value. It's as if our tears offer the world something deep within us...this is me....this is who I am...this is what I value...this is what I've lost. If you wish to know me, you must understand these tears.

Summar Jean Swain matters to me...more than I know how to communicate. Her 7th birthday was yesterday...and I'm feeling the full weight of her not being here with us. She has been with the Lord since she was 2 months old. I struggle as dad without her embrace...her presence on this side of heaven. Life is one too few for me. This is me. This is who I am. This is what I value. She is what I've lost. If you wish to know me, you must understand these tears.

As a follower of Jesus, I don't grieve without hope. But I still grieve. The joy of the Gospel has fallen on me. Hope is bigger. But this doesn't mean that life on this side of heaven is void of suffering, disappointment, struggle, etc. Living "in the in between" (between Genesis 3 and Revelation 20) necessarily involves this.

I feel Gladness today...joy from the Hope of the Gospel...and sadness at the losses in my life.

The Ordinary

2009-10-28T19:25:00.002-08:00

Maybe we stay stuck because we don’t allow ourselves to see God in the ordinary.
Maybe we stay in storms because we don’t allow God’s people to be His hands and feet.

Could it be that waking Jesus up (Luke 8:22-25) in order to powerfully calm our storm is inviting Him and others to help us? Maybe the calm to our storm is the body of Christ walking with us in difficult days. But how will the body know we are hurting if we don’t tell anyone...

Read Verse 24-25. They finally called on Him.

Where is your faith? Great question.
“Why didn’t you ask me earlier? Where is your faith?”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t do something? Where is your faith?”

They were fishermen. They had been in storms before.
They knew what to do. “We got this.”
Their faith was in themselves.

What is your storm today? Jesus promised to never leave us or forsake us. Never!
What do you need to ask of Him? And do you believe that he will bring Peace and Calm?
If He sends people to be His hands and feet, will you receive it?

Where is your faith today? Is it in yourself? Or is it in your ability as a fisherman?
He is with you no doubt…just like he was with the disciples…

Transitions

2009-09-03T06:39:00.004-08:00

our family in Homer, Alaska

Transition evokes many emotions. I have had much ambivalence regarding the decision we have recently made to move back to Middle Tennessee from Alaska. Glad. Sad. Fear. Lonely. Excitement.

As most of you know that read these musings, we moved to Anchorage in June of 2008 to serve as one of the Pastors at ChangePoint Church. I was coming out of seminary in LA and felt really blessed to live the adventure that is to be found in such a majestic place and serve as a Care and Counseling Pastor.

Even though our time there was shorter than we planned, Alaska planted itself deeply into our souls. I had the wonderful honor to share my story and listen to the stories of many, many others. I was invited into pain of people that I counseled with and advocated for the radical grace and hope that is found in Jesus. We shared life with a group of people on Sunday evenings (our LifeGroup) that decided to lay down the pressure we feel to impress one another and the pressure we feel to hide from one another. We decided to believe that the Grace was bigger than our sin and that hope is bigger than our pain. We shared our stories...the good, the bad, and the ugly. It was rich...richer than any of us could have imagined. We were transformed.

All this to say...we were quite sad to leave. We have so many memories and I grew so much as a Pastor and leader in our time there. We believe we are back here in Thompson's Stations to be a part of a new church plant. I'm passionate about the freedom of God's grace and look forward to advocating for this freedom in the bible belt, where religiosity and legalism robs people of joy.

I love this language my friend Reid uses: "A church for those who have grown weary with religion yet still find themselves thirsty for God..."

Please be praying for us as much is still unsolidified. We are walking by faith and not by sight. Thank you ChangePoint for the honor to serve and love you. We are different because of you. We are different because of Alaska.

Grace and Peace,
Jason and Lindsay

Unsilenced

2009-07-15T15:24:00.004-08:00

Free Glacial Silt Mask with my good friend Marne in Talkeetna, AK!

So...Jason has been asking me to blog for some time and I keep telling him I am not a writer...which I am not. I am scattered as it is, but to attempt to transfer thoughts in my brain onto "paper" in some sort of organized fashion to be read by others....well, that is just humorous. However, it is just who I am so I say to those who read...welcome to the mess inside my mind and good luck.
If you have never visited Alaska, you need to. It is one of a kind. It is majestically beautiful, but that is not what I am referring to. It is free. Not financially....which is why you probably have never been here and why we don't get out much. I mean FREE! There are not many rules and most of the time it seems there are just NO rules. Most people just sort of go and do where they please into the wild. Yet, there is a sense of order and respect that is just understood, I guess. Maybe it is because there are untamed beasts lurking around the corner. Maybe it is because in the winter time people hunker down and there is a sort of "we're all in this together" mentality. Maybe it is because the days are so long in the summer that you play so hard, you are just plain exhausted. I really don't know, but I sure like it.
I have come to understand that so often (and maybe always), the supernatural mirrors the natural. It is no coincidence to me that this sense of freedom is so attractive to me since I have been on a quest for spiritual freedom for some time. A year and a half ago, the fam and I were at the Orange County Zoo and I encountered a bald eagle in a cage. It took my breath away and stopped me in my tracks. I was captivated. Here was this majestic eagle....made to soar through the broad sky...and he was perched on a tree in a CAGE. I looked at Jason with tears in my eyes and said "I feel like that eagle." In so many ways I have related to that eagle and I don't like it. I don't want to live in a cage. I don't want to just sit on a tree while people stare at me. I want to be free. I want to soar.
We have lived in the great state of Alaska now for 1 year and it has been the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It has been the year of records...these kind of records: "this is the worst summer since the 70s," (last summer), "this is the 5th coldest snap on record," (2 weeks of high negatives), "I have lived here 7 years and have never seen the volcano blow" etc....lucky us!! The biggest curve ball was getting pregnant. It literally knocked me off my feet and forced me to be inside most of the winter.....the LONG, DARK, COLD winter. I am NOT an inside person. I was so lonely, so tired, so sad. I kept asking God, "do you live in Alaska, Lord?" I couldn't feel Him, I couldn't see Him, I couldn't hear Him...and yet, I forced myself to believe on these two promises "Lo I am with you always," and "my grace is sufficient for you and my power is made perfect in weakness." It didn't FEEL true, but how often do our emotions tell lies? Truth is Truth no matter how we feel. So I just held on to it.
And now I have a beautiful, precious, sweet baby girl who is truly everyone's baby. She has brought life and joy to our family and to so many who have watched me grieve OUTLOUD this winter. God is Good...All the time. I am still sad. I love my God. I love my family. I love the adventures of Alaska and our new friends along with the old ones...but I am still that eagle.
The difference between the "OC" eagle and myself, however, is this...he is forced into the cage by his zoo keeper while my cage door is held open by mine. Why do I keep putting on my own shackles when Jesus has swung open the door and released me? I am beginning to realize it is because I don't believe. Oh, I can recite scripture to you about being loved, being saved, being forgiven...but I don't believe it. I mean really believe it...deep into the depth of my being. And so I cuff myself and strap the weight of the world to my shoulders and I sit on my perch wishing I could fly.
I have seen those eagles in Seward. They are free to fly up over the snow capped mountains and soar down over the ocean. They are doing what they are made to do.
I long to join them. To do and be who I am made to be. I am not a sinner saved by grace. I am a saint. Every command that has been given me has been fulfilled...DONE! Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so. Done! No more striving. No more, "but what about...?" No more, "if I could just be more"...."or "I should be....." No more self condemnation. No more living like a street kid. His grace IS sufficient...not one thing to add.
And so here I am....evangelizing my wounded self to believe the good news of Jesus Christ. What would happen if we all believed? I mean REALLY believed that we are loved? That we are righteous? That we are FREE!! We would be like the Seward eagles and not the OC eagle. No worries, no cares, no cage!!! Jesus, I believe...help my unbelief!!

Brennyn Grace Swain is Here!

2009-05-20T11:24:00.003-08:00

We are so blessed to announce the arrival of Brennyn Grace. She was born last night, May 19, at 10:27 pm. She is 8 lbs and 5 oz. She and mommy are both healthy and resting well.

Right now, Grammy, Big Daddy, Jacson, Ellie Faith, and Savannah are here at the hospital enjoying this Grace gift from God. We are overwhelmed!

More later...celebrate this with us! To God be the Glory Great Things He Has Done!

Jason

Community

2009-05-05T20:29:00.003-08:00

It is not good for us to walk alone...we are made for relationship. I have found that God's manifest love and grace often is visceral through community...deep relationships...life on life...sharing and caring for each other's burdens.

3 months ago, Lindsay and I opened up our home to a group of people who have desire to "show up" with the truth of our lives. There's lots of fear...but the desire for it is bigger than what often causes us to run from each other with our pain and shame and pose with how "ok" or "fine" we are.

One of my brothers shared this with our community today (not sure where he read it):

When Scripture talks about Church, it means community. The little fellowships of the heart that are outposts of the Kingdom. A shared life. They worship together, eat together, pray for one another, go on quests together. They hang out together, in each others homes. When Peter was sprung from prison " he went to the house of Mary the mother of John" where the church had gathered to pray for his release (Acts12:12).

Another description of the early church: "All believers were one in heart" Acts 4:23. A camaraderie was being expressed, a bond. It means they all loved the same thing, they all wanted the same thing, and they bonded together to find it, come hell or high water.

We are so blessed by this group...I wanted you to meet them. This was taken on our back deck...crazy that we get to be outside!

Spring is Here...Among other things

2009-04-28T19:23:00.002-08:00

It has been quite awhile since I've posted...thanks for your patience. I am hoping to get a couple posts up a month, but that hasn't been the case the last two. I've encouraged Lindsay to write some....hopefully soon.

Today is bright blue skies and 58. We are finally out of the snow! 7 months is a LONG winter. April is called "breakup" here...when all the snow melts and the ice melts away. We have been told that things bloom here in May...over the course of one week, the entire city goes from brown (where it is now) to green.

People "down south" are always so intrigued by the light and darkness here. Currently, the light is coming up around 5 AM and it gets dark right at 10 PM. It's weird getting used the daylight in the summer months. We are about 2 months away from the longest day, when it gets dusky and then the sun comes up again. Last summer, we taped black plastic over our windows. This summer, we are going to invest in some blackout blinds.

The biggest news right now is the coming birth of Brennyn Grace. Lindsay's due date is May 15, but all of our kids came early. Really, any day could be "baby day." We are hoping to get to May...so that the kids can have their own month. Jacson is Feb...Savannah is March...Ellie is April... Additionally, my mom and dad will be here for 2 weeks on May 12. It would be ideal for Brennyn to come when they are here to help.

Jacson has 3 weeks left in 2nd Grade. He has had a great year here. He will be starting soccer soon...as will Ellie...her first run at youth sports. She still runs like a little princess with her hands at her shoulders floating up and down. I've been working with her though...teaching her how to pump those arms to get more speed. (smile)

Savannah is chilling...oblivious to the fact that her world is about to be rocked by not being the baby anymore...should be interesting.

I'm still blessed to be walking with people at our church. I enjoy the simplicity of my role...to be available those who are hurting and hungry for hope and grace. I'm also now on the teaching team...preaching once a month. You can listen in if you like at www.changepointalaska.com.

Hope this note finds you well. Let us know how things are going in the "Lower 48."

Jason

This is Savannah...sludging through melting snow...looking for eggs...wearing a sun dress, heavy coat and snow boots...with her halloween bucket.

This is me and my buddies making up on top of bird ridge...best hike of my life!

Learning a New Definition of Spring

2009-03-01T16:48:00.004-09:00

I heard that it snowed in Nashville today. That's sweet. We got some yesterday too...another foot. We are adjusting to what spring really means here in Alaska. It means longer days (we are 7 am to 7 pm now) but not warmer days. Spring up here lasts about a week sometime in May...so they say.

Thought I'd share a photo of us last weekend at the zoo. We had fun pulling the kids through the zoo on a sled.

Spring Break is in a week...I'm taking the week off. Not sure what we are doing yet...probably just finding day trips and family excursions to enjoy.

We are grateful for a new home fellowship group that has begun in our home on Sunday evenings. We are committed to bringing the truth of our stories...being available to walk together in an environment that is free from posturing and posing...believing in radical grace and holding onto radical hope.

Lastly, can you feel it? March 1 today. Let the madness begin!

Jacson is 8!

2009-02-08T12:41:00.002-09:00

We are praising God for our little boy, Jacson. He is a kind-hearted an compassionate little guy who is learning who He is and how much Jesus and his family loves him.

Thank you Lord for my son. We celebrate his 8 years of life.

We had a party for him yesterday...took 4 of his little buddies to a jump zone deal here in Anchorage and came home for pizza and cake. Lindsay even made him a really good soccer cake.

What Are We So Afraid Of?

2009-02-08T12:07:00.002-09:00

Fear. Something most of us feel very uncomfortable admitting to. I don't want to appear weak...I don't want admit I need help...I don't want you to really know me because if you really knew me... So, in light of the fear of judgment or the fear of failure, we can tend to be vague about who we are or how we are doing. Or worse, we lie about who we are what we are doing. Ever go to church with a plastic smile on your face when you just had a fight with your kids or spouse that morning? Ever show up in a small group bearing the weight of some burden, but unwilling to tell those who love you about it?

I have a burden for followers of Jesus to step into the light of God's grace and begin trusting the healing power of it. We sing songs of God's healing and his love setting us free, but do we really believe what we are saying? So many of us carry false guilt and toxic shame around that has already been forgiven and "cast as far as the east is from the west." (Psalm 103)

I have a burden for followers of Jesus to live in community without the fear of being known. To live in the light with each other (I John 1) and help carry each others burdens. (Galatians 6) But here is the deal, for me to help carry someone's burden, they have to be willing to tell me what that burden is and not say "I'm fine" every time I ask them how they are doing. And I have to be willing to do the same thing. Yes, I still have to carry my burdens but you helping me lightens my load and reminds me I'm not alone.

I desire to be in community with others that embrace simplicity, humility, and truth telling. A community that lays down the pressure to impress each other and hide from one another. A community that follows in the way of Jesus...embracing a relational and missional mindset for the Kingdom.

The Girls Are Back!

2009-01-28T20:48:00.004-09:00

It's been awhile since I've updated the blog...that's because I've been in survival mode the past 2 weeks. Lindsay and the girls got out of the cold and dark and enjoyed some much needed sun and longer days down in SoCal. Jacson and I held the fort down up here in Anchorage. We didn't get to go to Laguna Beach, swim in an outdoor pool (there are none here), or enjoy Disneyland; but we did hit the movies, a minor league hockey game, an indoor climbing gym, a jump zone, and go on a hike.

It was LONG two weeks and I'm so very thankful that are back home with us. I receive the blessing of my wife and kids so humbly and thankfully. It's overwhelming to me how much I love them. And there's just something indescribable about being on your knees at the airport watching your 4 year old and 2 year old run into your arms.

Quick update on other things:

Ministry is relational for me and I am enjoying the time the Lord gives me to come alongside people along their journey. It is such a gift for me to comfort others in the ways that I have been comforted. (I Cor. 1) The contexts for these relationships are time spent in my office or at coffee shops and through 5 different support/recovery groups I'm leading this semester.

The days are getting longer. I noticed today for the first time that it wasn't totally black when I dropped off Jacson at school...at 9 AM. Uggghhh. In just one more month, we'll be back to 7 am to 7 pm daylight.

Lindsay is feeling much better this trimester. We are almost to the last trimester and find ourselves saying, "Brennyn is going to be here before we know it." May 15 is the due date.

Until next time...love from Swain's from the Last Frontier.

In the Bucket

2008-12-31T10:26:00.004-09:00

Check out the temps we are getting this week up here in Alaska...yesterday was -2 as a HIGH. What they say is that you have to get out in it. So, that's is what we have been doing. Lindsay and I both went shoeshoeing this week with good friends in the negative temps.

"Don't change your plans, change your clothes." That's what my friend Chris says. The issue with us was different, we had to buy the clothes to stay warm up here.

Today's adventure is riding on a snowmachine with Jacson and Ellie.

Enjoy the pics...

On Top of Peak 2 in the Chugach Range

Peak Two Summit with Bill Dubois and Jeff Cowell Lindsay and Tilly on Jewel Lake

I'm NOT Dreaming of a White Christmas

2008-12-23T11:04:00.003-09:00

This is our first Alaskan Christmas. And unlike the previous 34 Christmases for me, I don’t have to sing “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” this year. It's been guaranteed since October up here

Lindsay and I feel quite accomplished now that we made it to Solstice (Dec 21). From here on out, the days get lighter. We'll be back to 12 hours of daylight by February. For all of you who believe we get no daylight at all...that's not the case in Anchorage. It's getting light around 9:30 am right now and getting dark around 4:30 PM.

But I gotta say: this darkness is tough! We have been told the Jan. is the tough one. If that’s the case, then January sounds a lot like life…tough. It’s a hard road…it’s broken…and sometimes, it has gotten quite dark.

The truth for me is that I need the help of Jesus and others…I need the hope of the Gospel to Traverse it.

The “Tidings of Comfort and Joy” are not just for the Christmas Season.
I need tidings of comfort and joy everyday.
All of us do as we experience life on this side of Heaven.

The hope of Jesus’ coming to us brings comfort in all seasons and carries us through all circumstances. No matter what our story is…no matter what our life circumstance.
God IS with us. Immanuel to the rescue!

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
(Is 41:10)

Merry Christmas to all you down the "Lower 48."
Jason

Just a Quick Update

2008-12-12T17:02:00.002-09:00

I hope all is well wherever you are reading this. We are doing well here in Alaska. I just wanted to update everyone on a few things regarding life with the Swain's...in no particular order.

We were able to make a trip back to Tennessee for Thanksgiving. The plan was to be here in Alaska for a year and finally get back to Southern soil in June 09. But, my Papa Swain got sick and we headed home to be with the family. Papa passed a way on Nov 24...he was 92. I grew up with Papa and Granny...they lived only one mile down the road on "Swain Lane." I had the honor to speaking at his memorial service and found God's power and strength fall on me. Hope is an amazing thing. Papa used to say to me when he left our hourse...."come on down to our house...I'll show you how poor folks live." The Lord gave me this for my message: "There will come a day when I see Papa again. He will say to me: Welcome Home son. I'll show you how rich folks live."
Lindsay was able to linger for another week and half in Tennessee and just got home on Wednesday night. Jacson and I had to get back for school and ministry responsibilities here at ChangePoint. We missed our girls immensely, but found the time significant for male bonding...finding time for a movie, putt-putt, and an indoor waterpark called "H2Oasis."
Lindsay had an ultrasound while she was back in TN. We are having....another girl. That makes 4 in a row. Jacson was quite upset but is coming around to his "high calling from God to be a big brother to little sisters." We are excited and looking forward to meeting our newest little Swain in May. Name is tbd.
It's cold and dark here. Tonight, the temps will fall "below the bucket" for the first time. Daylight comes about 9:30 right now and it gets dark at 4:30. After Dec 21, the days get longer everyday....by mid-Feb we are back to 12 hours of daylight.
We have had a lot of snow already. I'm finding myself making up new words to the song "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas." No need to dream of that here.
Jacson finishes up school next week and is looking forward to 2 weeks off. I'm off most of the holiday as well...we are looking forward to going snowboarding together. He just finished up basketball season. My friend and co-laborer here at ChangePoint, Jeff Schulte, and I coached the team together.
Ellie is involved with AWANA and is really enjoying that. She will be taking a dance class with Savannah starting in January.

Bless you and your family this Christmas season!
For the family,
Jason

*getting up tomorrow. driving 10 minutes. hiking to a mountain peak. snowboarding down. home by 11 AM. SWEET!

Eklutna Canyon Ice Climb

2008-11-21T22:21:00.005-09:00

This is me and my buddy Adam. Thanks for the invite brother!

I was a bit nervous at this point in the climb.

So I got invited to go on my first ice climbing expedition. About 30 minutes from my house and a 45 minute hike into a frozen river gorge and we were there. It was a breathtaking view standing at the bottom...it was a bit more fearful looking down after climbing up a frozen 160 ft waterfall.

Experienced something I never even dreamed of doing...

"Here is some Moose Meat."

2008-10-29T14:52:00.004-08:00

I had an opportunity to preach a couple of weekends ago. The next week, a gentleman I had not met showed up at church with some "Welcome to Alaska" game meat and fish.

Right now, we have salmon, elk, and moose in our freezer. Turns out that this guy is on the road kill list when a car hits a moose here in Anchorage. He gets a call, drives to where the dead moose is, and butchers it right there. I guess the city comes after that to clean up the rest...not sure really. So this week, our family grilled us some Moose for the first time. It was quite tasty...we enjoyed it, especially knowing it was "road kill."

"It's not even cold yet!"

2008-10-20T16:25:00.003-08:00

I met a guy this morning at 6:30 AM at a coffee shop. It was 27 so I wore gloves. When I put them down on the table, he laughed at me and said, "Why are you wearing gloves dude...it's not even cold yet." Really, when did 27 stop being cold?

By the way, when I left the coffee shop at 8 AM it was still dark like midnight. It's getting light around 8:45 AM right now. The darkest days will be in December and January....sunlight at 10 and dark at 3:30. Really looking forward to that.

For lunch, I met Lindsay and girls at a park with a huge hill. We went sledding and then had a picnic. That was a first...sledding during my lunch break.

And if you didn't know this already, we are expecting another child sometime in May. Total surprise...we are excited and adjusting "our plans." Please be praying for Lindsay and our newest little one.

Hope all is well in the "Lower 48."

First Snow of 2008

2008-10-05T17:24:00.004-08:00

While the snow has been on the mountains for a couple of weeks, today it made it down to the neighborhoods. Welcome winter...on Oct 5.

Classic!

Do you remember Ralphie's little brother in "The Christmas Story?"

First sled run.

Jacson and his best buddy Hunter.

This is where we live!

2008-09-28T18:36:00.003-08:00

The ballpark. That's the city behind us.

New Friends. Good Times. Worship His Majesty.

There is no snow in the city yet, but up here...yes, plenty of it.

Glad Savannah had her walking stick!

Fall in Anchorage. These are good days for our family!

Did I pass or fail? What's my grade?

2008-09-24T20:41:00.003-08:00

I have been burdened of late by the enormous weight we carry to make the grade...to succeed...to not disappoint...to pass. I was spending some time with a brother last week who is not able to live in the grace that is ours through Christ. He believes it in his head, but his heart won't receive it and thus, he stays in bondage to performance. I felt the Lord speaking to me: "Tell him I am not giving him a grade. The kingdom is not about pass/fail." It's almost as if the captives that have been set free (Isaiah 61 and Luke 4) refuse to walk out...

"All you need is need." Our pastor spoke these words two Sundays ago as he introduced Galatians to our church up here. And then after the service, I learned that my kids get $20 in mountain money for doing a devotional and memorizing a verse. What? My 7 year old needs to hear "all you need is need" and not "be a good Christian and you get fake money that will buy you toys." God's grace is enough...and I desire for his spiritual life to be motivated by his heart and not by what he gets if he does something. I desire the same for myself. There's a big difference between duty and desire. When we perform spiritually for the reward (a good name, respect, ministry influence, moutain money, etc.) instead of obey out love and worship for the King, we embrace the false theology of achievement instead of a theology of alignment. When we perform spiritually, we are prone to give in to the pressure to impress or hide. If all you need is need, then why does the church seem to be void of people crying out for mercy and letting their need be known without shame. The lady in Luke 7 didn't hide and she didn't care to impress. She needed grace and mercy. And Jesus made an example out of her faith.

Don't get me wrong, there is a reward (66 verses reference reward in the text). A life of faith that is wholly surrendered to Jesus brings big reward...grace for today and hope for tomorrow. I want that to be enough for me, but I have to confess that it isn't most of the time. Asaph's resolution at the end of Psalm 73 is piercing to me. "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you." Whoa. I have a long way to go...but I am free in God's grace as I traverse my life and cling to the truth of who I am in Christ. I am not ok. And I am ok with not being ok. In my experience, the more I have needed Him, the more I have gotten Him.

Swain Family Updates:

Jacson is doing very well in the second grade. He has way more friends than the rest of us combined. Basketball season starts for him next week.
Ellie is super busy and mommy is busy loving her and keeping her in line. We have decided to keep Ellie out of pre-school and build into her before she starts kindergarten. We are seeing results (she is our strong willed one). She has already told us that she will not be changing her last name when she gets married one day.
Savannah is determined to not be a "big girl." Pottie training is in a far off distant land...and she is 2.5 years.
Lindsay is building friendships and her new business venture with Market America. She is plugging back in with BSF and is excited about studying Moses.
I am enjoying "ministry of availability." Being a shepparding/care pastor provides many opportunities to listen to people and walk with them.
Alska is getting colder. "Termination Dust" has already fallen on the moutain peaks and we are told that our kids will be trick or treating in snow boots. It hasn't gotten below freezing yet, but we are already in the 30s at night. Right now, it gets light a little after 7 and gets dark about 8 PM. The dark days are Nov-Jan.

on the top of flattop moutain...now covered with a few inches of snow

Ellie is all pink...all the time. I had to persuade her to not wear a dress for the hike

You can barely tell, but Jacson is showing loosing his front tooth

Until next time...Grace and Hope to you!
Jason

Reflecting on some Essential Things

2008-09-01T22:25:00.001-08:00

I am on the plane towards Anchorage after being back in Tennessee this past weekend. And find myself pondering on the significant things of life…

• We should never take for granted the history we have with people we love. There is something profound about sitting with people you have walked with over the long haul. While living in Alaska provides the opportunity to establish new relationships (we love this), we miss our history with family and friends in middle Tennessee. A journey with people is a gift. I realize how big a gift it is now that I’m so far away.
• Praying with friends on a front porch is like water over my soul. Thanks Lance, Amy, and Chris.
• Being an uncle to AJ, Madi, and Sidney is a gift of God’s grace to me. We set a new record with 33 hits on the beach ball in my parents’ pool.
• Homemade Ice Cream on a Sunday Afternoon…sitting around eating it together as a family. Good stuff mom and dad. I love the simplicity.
• Sitting on the “side porch” with my PaPa and Granny. Visiting my Pa in the nursing home. I cried when I left them. They are getting older now…I’m sad about that. I miss them a lot…I’m sad about that. They are close to heaven…I’m glad about that.
• “You are Two Imperfect People, Entering into a Committed Relationship, Diligently Pursuing Intimacy, Under the Sovereign rule of God.” I had the opportunity to speak these words to a dear couple at their wedding on Saturday night. I was reminded that marriage is such a gift. My wife is a gift of God’s grace to me…and provision to make me more like the Son.
• Control and Trust are mutually exclusive. “Trust is letting go of our need to control outcomes, letting God be God.” (John Wimber) People joke about being a “control freak.” It’s not a laughing matter…being in prison isn’t something to joke about. If the captives have been set free, why are we still holding onto the chains? “Trusting God is pivotal to this whole business of being a Christian.” (John Wimber)
• “Our words have the power to curse or bless.” (Lindsay Swain) What if we didn’t miss opportunities to tell people what we see in them and how we feel about them?
• Why do so many feel the pressure to impress and the pressure to hide, including me? Why is the truth of our lives and story so hard to trust people with? Why can people tell their secrets to a stranger on a postcard but they can’t come into the light with the people they know and love? I long to see the local church as the place people know they can go to with their pain and shame…to find grace, deliverance, healing, and restoration.
• I am really bummed I’m missing the Tennessee game right now…Why is college football and the NFL so significant to me? To others? What if we gathered in homes to worship and pray like we do to watch games?
• What makes my friend’s wife (she is my friend too) move out of the country to foster her little girl for over 2 months until she can bring her home? What sustains the husband as he waits for his girls to come home? (there is hope Eliana will be home this month…please join us in praying for this)
• Legalism is from the pit. Religiosity keeps people from Grace. Is it worse to be accused of being a legalist or someone who offers too much grace? I’m going for broke with grace.
• When I am away from my kids, my heart physically aches for them. Is this how it is with God when my heart is away from Him? I think so…
• What is it about me that makes me so uptight sometimes at all the insignificant things? What if the small stuff didn’t rob us of serenity?
• If this earth is not my home, why do I live as though it is?
• I wish people would stop apologizing for their tears. Who decided that tears are so offensive? Tears speak to something deep within…they tell what we value. Can you know me if I don’t show you my tears?

Serenity Falls

2008-08-19T08:21:00.003-08:00

Is that not a wonderful name for a waterfall? One of the places where my mind and heart find serenity is at the bottom of a large waterfall. It's one of my favorite places to be because I seem to listen more intently and hear God's voice more clearly. This past weekend was no different. Our family took a 12 mile bike ride [Jacson road 24 miles in all...we are so proud of him] to a mountain cabin for two nights. Breathtaking views of a glacier, the falls, and a swift mountain stream.

At the base of this waterfall, God impressed deeply upon my heart the truth of Psalm 121. I am continually being reminded that when I bring my nothing to the Savior, I get His everything. My neediness ushers me to freedom. "Oh how I need you Lord, to come and rescue me, to come and give me life." I realize that I am prone to wander...prone to trust in what God has done in me and forget what He has done for me. Mercy is what I need. When I minimize my sin or self-justify, the cross becomes less ,I rest in what God has done in me, and miss the power of His mercy and grace. But when I face my own shame and step into the light with it, I find rest and healing for my soul...like a waterfall called serenity over my heart and mind.

The trip was wonderful for our family. We are so thankful for the Sheldon family and their invitation to us to join them on this adventure. Enjoy the pics

Eklutna Lake...on the way to our cabin. See the princesses in their chariot?

Wild Alaskan Salmon

2008-08-12T16:20:00.003-08:00

Jacson and I floated on the Little Susitna River last weekend...41 miles over 3 days and 2 nights. Even though I'm a country boy from Gladeville, TN, fishing is not something I have ever been fond of. But we are becoming fishermen here. Actually, I think I like catching and not fishing...I've been told a fisherman can fish all day with nothing to show for it and still love it. I don't think I'm there.

This is the first fish Jacson and I have ever caught together...a "silver." I hooked it and Jacson reeled him in. Later in the day, the little man was hooking and landing "pinks" by himself. No one eats "pinks" up here because they don't taste good. They eat the "kings, reds, and silvers." But, from what I understand all of you in the lower 48 eat "pinks" every time you eat salmon. "Hey Jeff, does anyone eat pinks up here. No, but they feed them to the their dogs."

Hope you enjoy our dog food the next time you eat salmon. :)

Courageous and Dependent

2008-08-02T10:49:00.005-08:00

Courageous: not deterred by danger or pain.
Dependent: unable to do without.

This is what I saw in my son this week. And these are the two words the Lord sp0ke loudly into my heart. "Trust me in this new adventure. Be courageous. But don't forget that you're wholly dependent upon me for your strength."

Jacson wanted to go to a day camp this week at Kincaid Park called "Wilderness Skills." We are learning that his bent is towards learning new things and doing creative things. The camp was for kids that were 7-14. Jacson was the youngest kid in the camp. I was so proud of his courage. My heart was beating out of my chest as I dropped him off Monday morning...watching my little guy walk right in, and ask if he could play a board game with 2 other kids he'd never seen before. Jacson was not deterred by the unknown...but he was also dependent. "Dad, could you hang around for a while today?" "Sure, son. How about I stay here in the park the whole morning...that way you know I'm always close by."

The Lord spoke to me as I watched my son: "This is how I want your posture to be. Courageous and Dependent." His voice was very clear to me. Courage comes from knowing that "I am with you wherever you go." (Josha 1) Dependence comes from knowing that "apart from me, you can do nothing." (John 15).

So as I enter this new journey as a Care Pastor at ChangePoint Church here in Anchorage, I am embracing the words Courageous and Dependent. May it be true for you as well...that you have courage in the unknown of your life because you believe in the promise that Jesus is with you wherever you go. But that in your courage, you know and understand that Jesus is our only hope and sustenance.

Here are some pictures from our last week here. Like they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do...

Yes, those are two husky pups. We went to "consider getting one," and came home with two. My wife blindsided me and ganged up on me with 3 kids. I had no choice. Ellie is holding "Cody" and Jacson is holding "Shasta."

Fishing for "pinks" at Resurrection River in Hope, Alaska. Didn't get one though.

Friday Night Hikes

2008-07-26T08:39:00.004-08:00

The last two Friday nights, I've had the opportunity to do some hiking. The range is right behind our house...only a 10 minute drive to the trail head. I didn't get any pictures from last week (peak 2 summit) but remembered the camera last night for the Peak 3 summit. I hiked with Joe Boland, Jeff Schulte, and Jay Schulte. We finish the night off with a little "Taco King."

Something happens in my soul when I am in the moutains...something comes alive...God's voice is louder in my heart because my spirit is calm. The Spirit led me towards repentance and thus, freedom in His grace. "I life my eyes up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121

Jay Schulte and I on the way up.

On Top!

When I Dip, You Dip, We Dip

2008-07-24T18:34:00.004-08:00

So Jacson and I went 3 hours south this week to Kenai. There is a thing here called "dip netting" and we went along with my friends Jeff Cowell and Jeff Schulte. We all brought some kiddos along too. If you are a resident of Alaska, they allow each family 10 red salmon per person for subsistence. I wasn't able to "dip net" but in one year, I will get to wade into the ice cold water and stand with a mongo net and hope a fish swims into it. When it's hopping, you can walk away with dozens of fish. Unfortunately for us, we only came away with 8 total.

It was a great time because it was the first campout I've taken Jacson on. He had a total blast playing in the sand (we camped on the beach of the Prince William Sound at the mouth of the Kenai River), clobbering red salmon on the head, eating s'mores, and laughing with friends around the fire. It rained on us the second night so we had that wonderful experience of tent camping in the rain. Ever camped on wet sand with a 7 year old...no matter how much you say "knock the sand off of you" it doesn't make much of a difference.

I am grateful for good friends, new friends for my son, the beauty of the water with the mountains in behind, and another Alaskan memory.

Yes, that is a fish head getting "grilled" on the fire. Lindsay asked me when I showed her this picture: "Did he touch it with his hands?" The answer from me: "Of course."

Silliness around the fire.

You gotta "do the dew" when you "dip net."

Moose Dropping Festival in Talkeetna

2008-07-18T09:23:00.003-08:00

New friends at our church invited us to a little Alaskan town called Talkeetna (2 hours north of Anchorage) last weekend. Robert grew up there and bought the little house he grew up in. We were excited because it was the "36th Annual Moose Dropping Festival." On Saturday at 6 PM, they drop numbered moose poop on a target. The poop is painted white (not sure how they do that) and glued to a pin so everyone can wear their numbered poop on their shirts. Each dropping costs $5. We waited for the line to go down so we could purchase ours, but they were all sold out by the time we got there. The winning poop dropping won $1500 bones.

The town is at the base of the Alaskan Range with majectic views of Denali (Mt. McKinley). [too bad it's cloudy every day here and we didn't get to see it] Everyone who climbs Denali flys to the base camp from Talkeetna. It has 3 rivers that converge there and the Alaskan Railroad comes through. The town only has 400 people that live there but it's swimming with tourists in the summer months. Minus the moutain views, train station, and rivers, it reminded me of where I grew up in Gladeville, TN...softball field, town crossroads, small little market.

Here are some pics of our weekend. The highlight for us was the mule trip to the "beach" on the river where we fished (no luck), grilled, and sat around a fire.

Playing in the river.

The highlight of the weekend was riding on this mule. The sand on this beach was deep. Of course, Lindsay loved it.

Yes, that is Jacson on the back of a motorcycle with a random guy. This was at the parade and he was giving kids free rides. We were like, "it's Talkeetna, this is how they roll" and let him do it. (and I have no idea how do get this underline off)Loved this little store...love the locals in the background.

Ellie loved the store so much she jumped for joy!

A Polar Bear, Grizzly, and Mountain Lion

2008-07-09T23:35:00.004-08:00

Lindsay and I met a couple at our church this weekend that invited us over for dinner tonight. They are our age but don't have kids. (we warned them beforehand and they invited us over anyway) I looked over while we were getting things together to eat and saw Jacson jumping off the arm of the couch into the cushions and hearing Stacey say "oh my." Doug is from Zimbabwe and has an accent...Ellie asked him why he spoke Spanish. What? After finally sitting down the eat Moose hot dogs and fresh salmon from the Russian River, Ellie threw a fit because she wanted to sit next to Mommy. Finally, after she was disciplined in the bathroom we all sat down to say grace. I said, "We are the Swain's and we'll never be back in your home again." They laughed. Later they laughed again said "it's fine" when Savannah got ketchup on their carpet. I bet they weren't saying that when they scrubbed it after we left. I was shocked when Doug invited me to mountain bike with him on Sunday at the end of the evening. :)

So...we didn't know this when we arrived, but Doug and Stacey are quite the hunters. As you walk into their home you see the mounted Mountain Lion. And then when you round the corner you see the HUGE Polar Bear and Grizzly Bear in the living room. Our kids were fascinated...I was too. Stacey is the only woman in the world to have killed all four kinds of bear (grizzly, polar, brown, black) with a bow. Doug is a former professional hunting guide in Africa and specialized in Elephant and Lion kills. Looking at his pictures was a total "WOW." Toto, we are not in Tennessee anymore.

It was a great night...experiencing new things with new friends. I'll be sure to post a picture when I kill my first big game animal.

First Days in Alaska!

2008-07-05T11:56:00.005-08:00

We are full of feelings as we make this transition...joy, loneliness, sadness. It's tough to start over relationally (we just did this in Jan 07 when we moved to LA), but we are so hopeful and confident that this is right where the Lord has us.

Pictures speak louder than what I can articulate at this point in our journey here..so here you go:

Watching the sea planes take off and land at Lake Spenard!
A "baby moose" in the backyard of the house we were staying at. The sucker was huge. The kids were singing..."moosey, moosey, moosey on the loosey, loosey, loosey!"
New friends. These are the Cowell girls. There dad and I will be serving together at ChangePoint Church.
Jacson with Drew and David Schulte on the 4th of July. Nice view!
4th of July pic in front of our new house...at 10:30 PM.
Sillyness on the 4th...at 10:30 PM!

We Made It!

2008-06-22T08:43:00.009-08:00

It has been a whirlwind week for us...saying goodbye to many wonderful friends and family in SoCal...visiting the beach one last time...packing and loading the truck in 100 degree heat...and taking care of all the details of buying a hew home in Anchorage.

We arrived last night at 12 AM...still daylight here. The whole 5 hour flight from LA was light. Savannah didn't sleep a wink the whole way. (By the time we got here in bed it was 2 AM). We had a good omen at LAX: no line at the check-in or in the security line. Literally, not one person in front of us either time. We were high fiving all they way to the gate. "This is like a dream." If you haven't ever had the honor of traversing LAX (with 3 kids in tow), then you have no idea how wonderfully insane that experience was for us!

I found the peace of the Lord with me on the flight. I have been asked many times in the last month if I was nervous or excited. I am excited for sure. But even more, I have confidence that the Lord has called us to be here. I have deep inner peace that this is where we are supposed to be. Of course, I'm energized about all that Alaska will offer our family...and a bit nervous about the winters here. But this is secondary to the call on our life to bring hope and grace to people here.

Here are ways you can be praying for us in the next few weeks:

I need to buy two cars for us to drive. (our van is still in LA...please pray we can sell our car there quickly)
Fun memories for our family. We want to play hard (Alaskan style...whatever that means) before I start ministry in Aug 1.
Serenity and Simplicity...space to rest and ponder.
New Friends.

Here are some fun pics of our last week in LA!

Our Family at the BIOLA fountain.
I spent many hours reading and studying by this fountain over the last two years.

Saying Goodbye to Lindsay's dad (Randy)
and her brother (JD)

My buddy Brett and I at an Angels game.

Owen and Ryan...2 of the young guys I have had the honor of mentoring.

3 of my best buddies at Talbot: Brett, Phil, and Derek

Alaska...Here We Come!

2008-06-11T14:48:00.005-08:00

Well...the Swain's have officially entered the world of "blogging." This will be an online journal of sorts...a place for us to ponder a bit and muse on all that God is doing in and through us...a place for you to visit on occasion so you can stay in touch with us. We'll be able to post stories and pictures and you'll be able to make comments. I am planning to update the site at least once a month, but it could be more than that. I hope it will be a blessing to all of us.

Just so you know our timeline:

June 20: load the truck in LA
June 21: flights to Anchorage
June 22-25: Vacation with my parents (they have had a trip planned for months.)
July 2: Close on our house
July 3: Move into our house
July 5: Jason going on his first Alaskan adventure...2 hour drive...2 hour ATV ride...cabin in the mountains and fishing for king salmon.
Aug 1: My first day at ChangePoint (www.changepointalaska.com)

Grace and Hope,
Jason